A True Believer in Jesus
01
I am very grateful for the Lord’s grace. Just now, I was speaking with my brothers and sisters, and it seems that I have received a grace that is somewhat different from that of my brothers and sisters. It is a special grace, that from a very young age, not only with my ears but also with my eyes, I have seen and personally experienced the servants of God, the ministers of God, around me, continually influencing and guiding me, helping me to deeply understand how to walk the path of following the Lord. Although I have not walked well, although many times I have stumbled, failed, and turned away from God, their examples inside me constantly encourage and remind me. When I am very weak and discouraged, because of their words, because of their glance, because of their figure, it can remind me and help me know how to return to the right path. Therefore, I feel that God loves me especially because I am so weak and was born into a beloved family.
Speaking of God’s grace in my life, I cannot fail to mention my mother. My mother was once in the Jesus Family. She believed in Jesus when she was 16, and when she was 19, she completely dedicated herself to the Lord, completely walking the path of service.
When my mother first received grace, she truly knew what kind of God the One who called her is. She told us that when she heard that Jesus Christ came down from heaven to earth, crucified for her sins, and died shedding His blood, she was deeply moved inside. She said, “Lord, I am not worthy! You came down from the glorious, holy, and great throne in heaven to the human world. Isn’t that like coming from heaven to hell? What am I? For me, You paid such a great price; for me, You gave up such great honor and glory. I really don’t deserve You paying such a great price for me! Because You love me so much, I make a resolution before You, from now on, I will live a different life, not like my former days. I will live a life that is even lower than the life I have now.”
When she first received grace, God gave her a heart to suffer. Although my mother’s family was not too wealthy, in comparison to ordinary people, it was somewhat better. My grandfather was a military doctor, so there were four servants in the family. My mother had three sisters, and food and clothes were always ready, and she never had to work, living as a little lady. She was a foreign student and seemed to have it better than others in all aspects. But she didn’t think her life was so good. From a very young age, God placed in her a heart seeking God.
Although my family had several generations of Christians, my grandmother and grandfather were believers, and it is likely that I am the fourth generation; however, their faith was quite cold. My mother said they were just lukewarm church members. They only heard the name of Jesus once a year, during the Chinese New Year when people set off firecrackers and worshiped false gods. My mother was very envious, and once asked my grandmother, “Why doesn’t our family do those things, like setting off firecrackers and worshiping idols like others?” My grandmother replied, “Because our family believes in Jesus.” That was the only time she heard the name of Jesus in a year.
So, although they were somewhat influenced by their environment and their behavior and practices were different from those of people in the world, they rarely spoke to my mother about the name of Jesus. As a result, the name of Jesus had no place in my mother’s heart. But God placed a heart seeking Him in her. She thought, “There must be a God in heaven, what kind of God is He?” From a very young age, God placed this heart in her.
One time, she went to a church to find a classmate, and it just happened that Song Shangjie was preaching on stage about sin. She sat at the very back and listened. Although she didn’t understand a word (because Song Shangjie spoke in the Southern dialect), she felt deeply attracted by what he said, and her spirit was very drawn to it. Although she didn’t understand what he was saying, her heart was willing to listen, so she sat there and listened. After the meeting, someone asked her, “Will you come again next time?” She said, “I will come again.” In this way, the Holy Spirit worked in her and deeply drew her. When she went the second time, she sat at the front, and when Song Shangjie preached, there was a translator, and my mother understood what was being said.
Once she understood, she said, “So I am a sinner, I must confess my sins.” Thus, every time there was an altar call for confession, she would run to the front to kneel and confess, feeling that her sins were too many. So when she first received grace, she said, “I am not worthy! From now on, after I believe in Jesus, my life must be lower than before. I can’t live the life of a little lady anymore. Jesus has paid such a great price for me, how can I still live in such an enjoyable environment? I cannot!” In order to respond to the great grace that God had given her, she had a heart willing to suffer.
Thus, when she was 19 and was willing to dedicate herself to the Lord, she followed Grandpa Zhao Dianchen from the Jesus Family to Shanxi to spread the gospel. At that time, she was studying at Jinan Women’s Medical College, majoring in obstetrics and gynecology. After finishing her graduation exam, she put down her pen, didn’t take her diploma, and followed God’s servant. She went to Shanxi to establish the Jesus Family and spread the gospel there.
She spent more than three years there. When she left, she was dressed like a foreign student, with white socks, a long skirt, very beautiful. (We won’t talk much about the experiences during those three years.) When she returned from Shanxi, the Japanese had entered Shanxi and were committing atrocities. Under God’s guidance, many miracles happened to them. She said that they truly experienced the scene of Daniel in the lion’s den, how God shut the mouths of the lions. They really experienced that the God was with them, and in this miraculous way, God brought them from Shanxi to Shandong. They walked 28 days, spreading the gospel and begging for food, experiencing many miracles of God.
When they returned to their hometown, my grandmother didn’t even recognize my mother. When my mother left, she was dressed as a foreign student; when she returned, she wore a patched coat, wrapped her legs, her face was dark, looking like an African because the 28-day journey had made her look unrecognizable.
My mother’s life experienced many hardships. When she talks about those very difficult, dangerous, and terrifying experiences, she speaks so naturally and joyfully, as if there was not a trace of bitterness left in her heart. She said, “I really don’t deserve it! People say we suffer for the Lord, but what suffering have we really experienced for the Lord? We have received such great grace from God, experienced such a great presence of God. How can we say we have suffered for the Lord?”
As her daughter, living with her every day, I’ve never heard her complain about how hard or difficult life has been. She has never expressed those things. The only thing I saw on her face was joy. This is the grace of God at work in her. My mother feels that no matter what great cost she pays, it cannot compare to the cost that Jesus paid. Therefore, in the presence of God, no matter what environment she faces, she has never regretted or complained. Her experiences deeply influenced us.
02
In the “Jesus Family,” there were many older sisters who did not get married, living only as a family. God gave them pure hearts and they dedicated themselves (meaning they were married to the Lord for life), and my mother was one of them. In 1951, when the “Jesus Family” disbanded, because of hearing some bad rumors, the elders in the “family” said that they had to quickly find spouses for them and pair them up. Finding a match couldn’t be this simple, so everyone prayed. Thanks to the Lord, God led each one, from the oldest to the youngest, and pairs were made.
The elders thought that, according to my mother’s condition, she needed to marry a university student, but the result of the prayers wasn’t that. The unanimous understanding was: God had prepared a husband for my mother, one who had nine children. He was a preacher, and his wife had already been taken by the Lord. He was busy with ministry and could not support so many children, so he later placed all these nine children in the “family” to be cared for.
When it was very clear that this was God’s will, my mother had no conditions at all. She said, “God’s will has led me into this family, thank the Lord. Coming into this family is not just to be a wife, not just to be a mother, God has given me a commission: to bring everyone around me before Him.” Therefore, she didn’t feel that raising such a big family was a burden or difficulty, but saw it as a grace given to her by God.
Father and mother held a simple wedding in the church. The nine children were brought over, the youngest was only four years old, and they stood in a long line calling her “Mom.” The younger ones were fine, but the oldest, who was seventeen, was not happy. When he called her “Mom,” he ran away. The elders in the church were very angry and scolded him. My mother said, “Don’t scold him like that, we need to understand his feelings. His own real mother has left him, and I came here halfway through. It is natural that he wouldn’t call me ‘Mom’.” God gave my mother a very wise heart, allowing her to clearly receive from God regarding all these matters. My mother then used love to guide these children.
Father’s family was from the countryside, and my mother grew up in the city (Jinan). Father wanted to live a rural life but was worried that my mother wouldn’t adapt, so he discussed with her: “Would you prefer to settle in Tai’an or in Jinan? In both places, the brothers and sisters can help us settle down.” My mother said, “I don’t want to settle in Tai’an or in Jinan. Wherever you are from, I will follow you back to your home. We won’t trouble the brothers and sisters, we will return to our own home. Even if it’s just a small piece of ‘baggage land’ (a very small plot of land), we will build two small broken houses, preach the gospel and beg for food during the day, and worship God together as a family at night.” Father was deeply moved by this, and of course, he was willing to return to his hometown.
Father and mother took the nine children back to the rural hometown in Xintai. From then on, my mother gave birth to seven more children, so in total, there were sixteen children, including the nine children from my father’s previous marriage and the seven children from my mother. God truly blessed my mother, giving her such a large family.
Thinking about it, life must have been very difficult for my mother over the years, but I have never heard her say how hard or difficult it was, or how her children should be respectful to her. One thing my mother often said was: “I don’t rely on anyone, I have someone worthy of relying on, and that is God.”
In leading her children, God gave my mother abundant wisdom. She once said, “I don’t understand, some brothers and sisters, when there are unbelievers in their family, why do they let others preach the gospel to them? You are a living believer in Jesus, why let someone else preach Jesus to you? Is your Jesus different from someone else’s Jesus?”
The amazing thing is that none of the sixteen children in our family received the gospel from others. We all saw that the God my mother believed in was a true and living God. My faith began indirectly by seeing this: the God my mother believed in was so true and so alive, and that deeply rooted belief in God was imprinted in me. With this foundation, no matter how great the difficulties I encountered later, I have never doubted God.
03
During the Cultural Revolution, I was about five or six years old. At that time, the political atmosphere was very intense. My mother worked in a hospital. In the hospital, on the walls around, there were big posters with the words “The name of the American spy mother” written on them, written backwards and marked with an “X”. Whenever I heard others call my mother to go to a meeting (to be criticized and beaten), my heart would tighten, and I didn’t dare cry out loud, but tears would fall down. My mother would say, “Why are you upset? A meeting is just one person speaking on the stage, and everyone listens below.” I would hold back and not dare to cry, but my mother would say, “If you want to cry, just cry.”
I never saw the scene of my mother being criticized and beaten. Later, my mother had a small flag pinned to her and was taken out for a public humiliation parade. The flag read: “The name of the Christian mother.” My mother said, “Look, this is my true name!” Because before, it had said “The name of the American spy mother.”
At that time, our home was raided, and I saw it with my own eyes. Even the white paper that my mother had prepared for us to use for school was confiscated. They said it was used for espionage activities. In that harsh political climate, my mother still insisted every night on setting up a “family altar.” The whole family would sit there, and she would tell us Bible stories and pray with us. I am very grateful for the Lord’s grace.
One night, she told me a story: A mother had three sons. Because of her faith, she was taken by the authorities. First, they interrogated the eldest son. The official said: if you just say you don’t believe in the Lord, you will be released; but if you say you believe, it’s a dead end. The eldest son said he believed, and he was killed. The second son was also killed in the same way. When it was time to interrogate the third son, the mother walked toward him. The people watching below thought: This mother must be reluctant, wanting the last son to give up. But this mother walked up to the third son and said: “Do you see your two older brothers? How brave and strong they were, and I hope you will be like them!” Of course, the result was the same. In the end, the mother was also killed.
When my mother told me this story, I was still young, and I didn’t quite understand the meaning of the story. I remember that after hearing it, tears flowed from my eyes. My mother told this story in that kind of environment, perhaps for a purpose, but I did not know. However, it left a deep mark on my soul: this faith is more important than life itself!
My father was taken by the Lord when I was one year old, and it was my mother who brought all of us children before the Lord. Every day, from her, I saw that this God is both true and alive, and we cannot help but fear Him, believe in Him, and be thankful to Him.
04
My mother devoted her life to the Lord, and the material things and wealth of this world had no attraction for her. Everything in our home, in our impression, did not belong to her; it belonged to whoever needed it. This home did not only belong to us children and my mother, but also to the brothers and sisters. Whoever came in felt as though they were returning to their own home. We were influenced by this as well, feeling that we had nothing that belonged to us, and that our home was the home of the brothers and sisters.
While my mother was working at the hospital, she met a sister. This sister had uterine fibroids and was very poor, unable to even afford a white steamed bun. At that time, our family had many people, and my mother’s salary was only about thirty yuan, but it was enough to buy white steamed buns. This sister was very anemic and weak. My mother took her for an examination and said that the uterine fibroid was easy to treat and could be removed by surgery. The sister said, “I don’t even have money for food, how can I afford surgery?” My mother said, “No problem, we can’t just watch someone suffer from a treatable illness.”
There was a square table and two chairs at home, which were set aside to be sold when my older brother got married, so that the money could be used for his wedding. When the situation arose, my mother did not hesitate for a moment. She immediately sold the table and chairs, raised the money, and used it to pay for the sister’s surgery. After the surgery, the sister still needed extra nutrition to recover. My mother took her into our home and cared for her, letting her stay for more than twenty days until she had fully recovered before leaving.
There was an elderly widow, over seventy years old, whose son had gone abroad, and her daughter-in-law had remarried, so no one was taking care of her. When my mother heard about this, she found the old woman’s granddaughter (the daughter of the remarried daughter-in-law) and said, “I will send your grandmother to your home. I am busy at work and don’t have time to take care of her. I will give you ten yuan a month to take care of your grandmother.” In the end, the granddaughter took care of her grandmother until she passed away.
Later, the old woman’s son returned from Taiwan and wanted to thank and repay the daughter. However, he never knew that it was my mother who had given her money to care for the elderly woman. My mother said, “There’s no need to tell him. It’s normal. It’s not a big deal. We are doing this for the Lord, not to be remembered by people.”
In my mother’s life, she walked this path naturally. When doing these things, it seemed very natural for her. These actions also influenced us, her children.
05
When my sisters reached the age to find someone to marry, there was only one condition: it didn’t matter if they were beggars, as long as they believed in Jesus. We weren’t very pretty or outstanding, but others felt that our family’s children were different from others. At that time, many people came to propose, including the heads of the health bureau, the grain bureau, the supply and marketing cooperative, etc. My mother said, “Your conditions are great, and I think it’s good, but you’re too late, we’ve already made a decision.” Although we still didn’t know who it was, in her heart, it had already been decided, as she knew God had already prepared it. My mother was very firm and had never been troubled by this issue. The only requirement was that they must believe in Jesus. It was simple. So, my sisters all married into families where they believed in Jesus.
My older sister got married first. After the marriage, she came back to tell us about her in-laws, and we all gathered in a circle to listen. She said, “Ah, don’t mention it! My mother-in-law is really good at managing the household! In that house, even oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, and firewood all have to be saved. For example, when cooking, my mother-in-law would watch carefully to see if I added too much oil, wondering if there was waste. At 8:30 PM, the lights had to be turned off on time.” One night, at 9 PM, my mother-in-law called my sister and asked her to turn off the light. My sister said, “I turned it off early! It’s the moonlight outside.” It turned out that the bright moonlight was shining into the house, and my mother-in-law thought the light was still on and that my sister was wasting electricity. These daily life details often made my sister feel conflicted and bound. We all laughed, as if listening to a funny story.
My mother was also listening, and then said to my sister: “You have brought a lot of joy to your younger sisters. But don’t forget your identity. You didn’t go to that home just to be a daughter-in-law. Remember, you are God’s worker, and you haven’t graduated yet!” The next time my sister came back, although she talked a bit less, it was still about these mother-in-law and daughter-in-law issues. My mother repeated the same words: “You still haven’t graduated.”
It wasn’t until later, when my sister came back and said that her father-in-law had fallen ill and was hospitalized, and no one was willing to stay with him, that she was asked to accompany him. My sister sang hymns to him, read the Bible, gave him a testimony, served him, and even washed his face and hair. People around him said, “Your daughter-in-law is really filial.” The father-in-law cried and said, “She is my daughter-in-law.” People around him envied him for having such a daughter-in-law. After my sister finished telling the story, my mother finally said to her: “Thank the Lord, this is your work!”
In these small aspects of life, my mother never preached great doctrines. She would often use a very simple sentence to let you know how to behave in a certain situation.
Whenever there was something like further education, exams, promotions, salary increases, or getting a house, my mother never asked me to pray about it. When did she ask me to pray? It was when I felt mistreated or wronged, when I felt others had done me wrong, and my heart couldn’t get past it. My mother would simply say: “You are wrong. Pray about it!”
The old self inside of a person is really something. Who doesn’t want others to say that they are good, that they are right? But my mother led me from a very young age to know that I was never right. Therefore, in my family life, in the social environment, in the church and while serving with brothers and sisters, I have received great grace in this area: knowing that I was never right.
Once, there was a salary increase at my workplace. The manager said there were several spots available. As the chief accountant, based on my performance, I thought I was sure to get it. However, when the salary raise came, I was left out, and I felt very wronged. I came home and told my mother about the situation. She said, “You’re wrong. Pray about it!” After a while, when she saw I had calmed down, my mother said: “Think about it. A salary increase, isn’t that the goal of the world? Isn’t that what they are after? Aren’t they pursuing these earthly things? We are different from them. Can you really get a raise? It should go to them. We have Jesus, we don’t need this. So why are you upset? You are upset because you are wrong.” In any situation, my mother would guide me like this.
From then on, whenever I encountered something that made me uneasy, my first reaction was: I must be wrong. It’s because of this “I must be wrong” attitude that I received great grace before God and experienced harmony and love in my family, as well as mutual love and unity with my coworkers in the church. Before God, once I realized where I was wrong, everything was resolved. This is why I have truly received a different kind of grace.
Many brothers and sisters came to my home to talk with my mother. They would come with furrowed brows, but after talking to her for a few minutes, they would leave happy and cheerful. Our home was like heaven every day. My mother was always thankful in everything, and there was not a single thing she wasn’t thankful for.
06
The older generation truly left behind a beautiful example that continues to inspire me. In the church, when it comes to how to serve the Lord, my mother and uncles didn’t leave behind specific rules, disciplines, or methods. But from them, I indeed saw a precious method: by setting an example in front of God, they influenced all the children of God in the church. As long as this was done, there wouldn’t be any issues.
There is one thing that had a great impact on my service. Once, when I went to visit my uncle, before I left, he said something to me: “When coworkers serve together, it’s not for the sake of the truth. One should be willing to give up their correct opinion to avoid causing harm between coworkers. That would be the greatest loss.” At the time, I didn’t take it seriously, because I hadn’t started serving yet.
A few months later, I gradually began to participate in the coworker ministry. One time, during a coworker meeting, a sister proposed a plan regarding the format of the meeting, and everyone began discussing it. I gave an opinion that most of the coworkers agreed with, but this one sister disagreed. She was very insistent and said that her plan was better. I thought to myself, “We should do what everyone thinks is right! Why are you opposing it?” I felt anxious, and the words I spoke were perhaps a bit hasty. Suddenly, I remembered my uncle’s words: “It’s not for the sake of the truth. One should be willing to give up their correct opinion to avoid conflicts between coworkers, to prevent hurting one another.” Immediately, I calmed down. I thought, “God is in control of all of this. She can do it her way, and the worst-case scenario is just that the goal will be reached a little later, which doesn’t matter. It’s God working in the process.” I said, “Okay, let’s do it your way.” The atmosphere immediately became much more relaxed. Two months later, she herself said, “It seems that this approach doesn’t work.” We went back to using the method I had originally suggested.
I’m really thankful for God’s grace. God truly loves me. Through God’s servants, God moved them to prepare grace for me at a time when I needed it most. They helped me understand how I could please God in serving, to avoid causing any unexpected and unnecessary issues that might grieve the Lord within the church.
In today’s world, the gospel is flourishing, and the number of churchgoers is increasing. The work is expanding. But within each church, there are still issues—coworkers are not united, there is competition, and there is harm caused between one another, which does not comfort the Lord’s heart. Thank God for His grace! In our church, none of the coworkers are without gratitude before God. When coworkers pray all night, each brother and sister always says something like: “Lord, thank You for placing us in such a wonderful fellowship, such a loving fellowship, where we can enjoy the feeling of home, where we can enjoy ‘heaven’!”
Why are our brothers and sisters able to love each other so much and be united in one heart? It is because God has given us grace to recognize that we are weak, unwise, and unskilled, that we have nothing. Therefore, we can’t do anything without relying on the Lord. If we don’t put the Lord in our midst, if we don’t center everything on Him, we won’t serve, and we can’t serve. So, by relying on Christ, the Head, we are united in one heart. We all feel that we are not good enough, that we are incapable. No matter what problem we face, we always look at ourselves, not at others, and that’s why we are so united.
We are a piece of pure land. God’s house is on earth, and it truly is a witness in the world. This kind of mutual love can really attract many people who are willing to come into God’s house. Today, in the world, there is no love. Even in one’s own family, one cannot find true love. But in God’s house, there is love. No matter how big the work of the church is, how great the gifts are, or how many people attend the meetings, all of that is not important. We all have one vision: mutual love is the most important thing. If there is no mutual love, how can we be a witness for the Lord on earth?! No matter how big the work is, or how many people come, if they cannot feel the warmth of this home or enjoy the beauty of the life in God’s house, how can they believe that the heavenly home God has prepared for us is real?!
Many people say that we Christians all have one characteristic: “sticky.” When we meet, we just can’t part. When we talk, we go on forever. During meetings, we talk and talk until it’s noon. What should we do? I say, “Let’s eat, don’t leave!” Then the brothers and sisters go to the kitchen to cook. This truly reflects the beauty of God’s house. Whoever comes, whoever cooks; whoever comes, whoever sits down to eat. It truly shows how beautiful God’s house is.
07
In the church, it’s not that there are no small frictions; there are. Can people be together without any friction? Can there be no issues? But I tell my brothers and sisters, we have a direction. Whenever a problem arises, we think: Why has this problematic person, this problematic situation, or this problematic environment come into my life? It must have something to do with me. When I hear testimonies from my uncle and other servants of God, no matter what illness, difficulty, or situation they encounter, their first reaction is always: “Lord, I am the one who is wrong. I am the bad person!” The way of the cross is that simple—it’s about self-denial, denying oneself.
In the church, when we face these friction situations, we argue, we fight, and we might even get red in the face. But after we’ve argued or fought, it’s as if nothing happened. Because everyone knows that the old self within is the one causing trouble.
Whatever happens, God has placed this person in front of me for my sake. Many times, when we see our brothers and sisters have flaws or issues, we quickly begin to pray and look for what’s wrong with them. But we should ask ourselves, why are they like this? Lord, are you allowing them to be like this for my sake? To bring out the bad in me through their actions? If it weren’t for them having this issue, how could I see what is wrong inside of me?
In the past, we thought of ourselves as loving and patient. When we were together, we all seemed very spiritual and gentle, saying “hello” to each other, all in good spirits. But when situations arise, all those good qualities disappear, and what comes out is resentment and complaints. Oh Lord, thank You. You are showing me that there is still so much bad stuff inside of me. Do you see my brothers and sisters in a bad state? This is for my sake, Lord, You allowed them to be this way, and they’ve paid the price. This is to build me up, to make me more pleasing to You, to let me receive more grace. Lord, I have wronged them, and this is truly the case.
Many times, we are very accurate in pointing out others’ flaws. We are very clever and can quickly identify what’s wrong with someone else. This morning, when my uncle preached, he shared about his calling experience, and I was deeply moved. He said that although he had entered seminary, he wasn’t born again yet. The teachers used a method to help him, which was to ring a bell. Later, he shared how he was transformed during that time, and we all understood. I thought, if one of us were in that situation, still not born again, how would we handle it? We would sit down with him, teach him with the truth, talk to him about being born again, and use all the knowledge we had to help him be born again. We would surely do that. But because we are so clever, so capable, with so much wisdom, we often don’t leave room for the Holy Spirit to work. Thank God for His grace. When my uncle was in that situation, everyone simply prayed in one accord, giving God a chance to work in him. They left him there and allowed him to think for himself, waiting for him. And then, my uncle was transformed.
Today, in the church, it is the same. When we see a brother or sister becoming weak or facing difficulties, when these things happen, we shouldn’t immediately think, “Why is this brother or sister weak?” Instead, we should first ask ourselves: Have I prayed for them? Have I overlooked them when they needed help? Have I neglected them when they were struggling? In fact, it is not them who are weak or wrong; it is I who have a problem here.
Many people think church work is difficult, troublesome, burdensome, and stressful. But I find it very easy, because I have no ability, no strength, no wisdom. When problems arise, I only have one response—though it may not even be a solution, it’s a feeling from God in me. No matter which coworker or brother or sister becomes weak or has a problem, I will feel sad. My first reaction is always to apologize to them. I will say, “Brother (or sister), I’m sorry. I really haven’t prayed for you enough. I was wrong. Please don’t be angry. I apologize to you.” And then, all the problems are solved, as if nothing ever happened.
We have no ability to do God’s work. We truly accomplish nothing. But God gives us great grace. Through the people around us, and through placing us in these situations, God has a goal: to reveal all the places in us that do not please Him, all the bad things we were previously unaware of. He reveals them so that we can recognize how we were originally like this. He shows us where we need to repent through prayer, and then God Himself adds His strength to us.
As we sing in the hymn: “Lord, I only have one prayer, that You would increase while I decrease. Every blow is a true benefit, because what You take away, You replace with Yourself.” We are willing each day to decrease, and God fills us with Himself, adding Himself into us.
Before God, just like my brothers and sisters, when God prepares the environment and leads us down this path, we experience His faithfulness and reliability. The older generation of God’s servants and handmaidens have left us with a beautiful trail to follow. The road they walked, we too must walk. The road ahead will be difficult, but when we see their experiences and testimonies, we know that with God, who watches over us and is with us, there is no problem. On the day we meet the Lord, we will stand with boldness, without fear.
08
Two years before my mother was taken by the Lord, she became very ill, with major organs failing, and was not expected to survive. Seeing her in so much physical pain, we knelt down to pray: “Lord, if this illness cannot be healed, we will not treat it. Lord, as long as my mother is not in pain, please take her home.” Later, through God’s amazing grace, my mother came back to life. After she recovered, she testified before the brothers and sisters, saying, “Today, I stand before you, and you see that I am alive. Actually, whether dead or alive, it is of little importance. Why did God let me live? It was to show you that resurrection is real.” That time, God prepared our hearts, and we knew that my mother would eventually leave us. Two years later, when she passed away at the age of ninety, we were already psychologically prepared. Even in her departure, she gave a beautiful testimony for the Lord.
After the memorial service for my mother, a brother called me, asking for a few of her testimonies as he wanted to write an article titled “A True Believer in Jesus.” The brother said, “Aunt Jiang (referring to my mother) didn’t preach, nor did she give long doctrinal teachings, but from her every action, every word, every thought, and every response, it was clear that she was a true believer in Jesus.”
After my mother passed away, one time, my sisters and I decided to return to my parents’ old home to preach the gospel to the villagers and establish a meeting place. When we arrived, we found that five or six neighbors were already waiting in the room, bringing chairs for the meeting, saying they wanted to believe in Jesus. There was also a man in his fifties, reportedly a drunkard, who said, “In our village, when people ask me, I say I don’t believe; when I go to other villages, I tell them I believe in Jesus.” He felt that believing in Jesus was an honor. My mother and our family had lived there before and left a good impression on the villagers, making them feel that believing in Jesus was something glorious. Many years later, when we returned, that impression still attracted the villagers to come and believe in Jesus. This shows how important it is to leave behind a genuine testimony of believing in Jesus.
09
I lived with my mother the longest, was most influenced by her, and received the most grace from her. After my mother was taken by the Lord, my heart was unsettled for a long time. Why? It wasn’t because the mother-daughter bond was hard to accept, but because she was my best co-worker, and I lost her. In my service to the church, my mother could often solve all my problems with just a simple sentence.
I remember once, a brother misunderstood something and became very angry with another coworker. He exploded in anger, pointing out many of my faults, and said he no longer wanted to serve. At the time, I was a bit stunned, thinking: “He misunderstood this matter; he doesn’t understand.” I said, “If this matter makes you upset, I apologize first. Please don’t be angry! But this work cannot be abandoned.”
I thought, how should I explain this to him? How could I make him understand? When I got home, I told my mother about it. My mother said, “Oh, there’s no problem. He just wants love from you, that’s all. Why did he get angry with you and not others? Why does he focus on you and not on others? He is just asking for love from you.” My mother’s words made me realize something, and I knelt down to pray: “Lord, I understand now. He wants love from me, but I have no love. Since he wants my love, I am willing to love him, but I have no love.” Indeed, if I want to love others with the love of Jesus, I must first be filled with it, not only filled but overflowing, so that I can give it to others. If I am not full inside, how can I give to others?
After praying, something amazing happened: I experienced God’s great love being poured out. At that moment, everything in the house seemed smooth and soft, and nothing could harm anyone. Everything around me felt so gentle, as if wrapped in great love. I saw everyone as lovable, not just the coworker who had been angry with me. I saw everyone as lovable. When God’s love pours out, I realized that it wasn’t me, and I didn’t need to make an effort to love others. The love just overflowed. I didn’t even have the heart to explain things to the brother anymore. There was nothing inside of me; I was completely surrounded by God’s love.
At that moment, suddenly, the brother called me, asking, “Did you call me? I missed your call.” I said, “I didn’t call you.” He replied, “Oh, it’s nothing, then?” I said, “Everything’s fine, how about you?” He said he was fine. We hung up the phone, and it was as if nothing had happened. When we met again, I didn’t even remember the incident. Everything was resolved.
Do we really need to do anything about these matters? Do we need to make things clear? Isn’t God infinite? Many times, we think God doesn’t know about the situation, so we must explain, clear things up, and let everyone know it was their fault. But we forget who we believe in—an all-knowing God! As long as we see our own problems in our hearts, God will solve everything. His problems with others are between Him and them. We don’t need to solve their problems; we just need to resolve the issues between us and God. Once we’ve solved our issues with God, He will solve their problems too.
In the church, there are brothers and sisters who love the Lord and pay a price for Him. But spiritual maturity varies. When they have paid a price, they expect respect from others, want to be recognized, and wish to be appreciated. After returning home, I told my mother, “It’s true, there are people who pay a price for the Lord but expect something in return, wanting a favor.” My mother said, “Thank the Lord! Today, whenever any brother or sister pays a price for the Lord, we should all be grateful and repay them. Why? Because they are serving our Lord. He is ours. When someone serves our Lord on our behalf, why can’t we repay them? We should!” After hearing my mother’s words, I felt at peace.
Can we be so pure as to say, “Is the Lord mine?” If any brother or sister has a little heart for the Lord, we should repay them well, show them care, love them, and serve them. Why? Because they are loving our Lord on our behalf, just like others honor our father, who will show gratitude if not us? So as long as we see the Lord as ours, all problems will be solved.
Our faith has become more complicated over time, unlike the earlier generations of God’s servants and handmaidens, whose faith in the Lord was so simple. Their faith was just faith, with nothing else, very simple. This is truly the most precious kind of faith—to serve the Lord who loves us with a pure and simple heart. Whoever serves the Lord should not consider it as extraordinary—it’s what I should do because the Lord is mine.
10
The Bible verse Philippians 4:4 says, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice.” As children of God, one of our testimonies should be joy, regardless of the circumstances. We should always be joyful. These words sound easy to say, and the reasoning is easy to explain, but in real life, we find that it is not so simple, it’s truly difficult. We believe in an almighty God, a God who is all-knowing and all-powerful. So why, when we face difficult circumstances that should lead to joy, can’t we be joyful?
When thinking about this, I recall the life of my mother, and the greatest impression she left on me was joy. During our family meetings, when my mother sat there, I sometimes asked the brothers and sisters to look at her face. At nearly ninety years old, her face was wrinkled, but those were wrinkles of joy, not of sorrow. Where did that joy come from? She truly rejoiced in the Lord. How did she do that? She completely trusted and simply believed. No matter what happened, she never doubted God, nor did she think about herself.
Since marrying and entering into family life, my mother faced one difficulty after another—whether with her children, her own health, or the struggles of her extended family. Her trust in God was always so genuine. Regardless of the outcome, her first response to every challenge was always to thank God. Her gratitude was not just superficial words but filled with content. There was nothing she didn’t give thanks for. Therefore, in all my memories from childhood to adulthood, when challenges arose, sometimes the environment seemed overwhelming, as if the sky were about to fall, but our family never had an atmosphere of despair or sadness; it was always peaceful and restful.
My mother used to be part of a “Jesus family,” where she was willing to dedicate herself entirely to the Lord, even preparing to never marry or start a family. She said that before entering family life, there was a sense of pride, thinking she was quite good, loving, and kind to the brothers and sisters. But what happened? Once she entered into family life and had children, she truly realized how insufficient her love was. My father was twelve years older than my mother and had a very strong temper. In their marriage, my mother faced difficulties, but these helped her understand what real love was.
After marriage, my mother once spoke with two sisters about what makes the best couple. She asked, “What do you think is the ideal marriage?” The sisters replied, “Of course, it’s when two people’s temperaments match, they have similar personalities, and the same interests—such couples are the best.” My mother said, “Actually, it’s not like that. The best couples are those whose personalities differ, their temperaments don’t match, and they can’t agree on everything.” The sisters didn’t understand, so they asked why. My mother explained, “Because only then can you focus on loving the Lord; only then will you know that the Lord is the most reliable; only then will you receive true satisfaction from the Lord.”
Because of this understanding, my mother never complained about God in any situation. Instead, she viewed every circumstance as her own need, joyfully receiving it, believing it was God’s love for her.
11
Before my father passed away, my mother prepared a white shirt for him. He got out of bed and put it on, and it fit perfectly. He walked around and joked with my mother, saying, “If I walk out like this, people will be scared.” My mother agreed. When facing death, my parents acted very naturally, as though it was an ordinary matter. My father made arrangements for after his passing, giving instructions for what his daughters should do, but he didn’t make any arrangements for my mother. He said, “At that time, your mother will be confused.” My mother thought, “Oh, that’s true.” After my father was taken by the Lord, many brothers and sisters came, and people from his workplace also came. My mother took care of everything, inside and outside, on her own, with her children not being able to help much.
At that time, my mother worked at a hospital. She was well-known for treating eye diseases, and many people from Laiwu came to see her for treatment. They would carry baskets—one in the front, one in the back, with a child sitting in the front and other things in the back—and walk all the way to see her. On the day of my father’s memorial service, the hospital was busy, and when my mother heard the noise, she asked what was going on. They said, “It’s already this late, and people still come to see you for treatment.” My mother replied, “Let them in! It’s not an easy journey from Laiwu here. They’ve walked all this way with baskets; can we turn them away? The dead have already passed (referring to my father), but the living are still here—let’s take care of them quickly!” Even while the memorial service was ongoing, my mother went to treat her patients.
After the memorial service, when it was time to bury my father, everyone told my mother not to go. But my mother felt no emotion, watching them carry my father away. When she returned home, she found the maid crying loudly. (Because my mother was busy working, a maid and her daughter lived with us to take care of us children.) My mother thought, “Oh, this is about the dead; I should cry too.” But when she opened her mouth, no sound came out. She couldn’t cry because she felt such peace, without sorrow, and thus, no tears came.
My mother sent my father off in such an ordinary way, without sorrow or bitterness. The world might think, “She has become a widow and still has to take care of so many children—how will she live?” But my mother never thought like that. She often said, “Does God not know? God is never wrong. God knows everything.” So, when facing any circumstance, she remained peaceful and at rest.
Many people might think that children from single-parent families are psychologically unhealthy. This may be true for those who don’t know the Lord, but it’s not the case for those who belong to the Lord. Brothers and sisters once asked me, “You grew up without a father, and your mother was always working and didn’t appear often. Did you feel lacking in love?” I replied, “The love I received was complete. I never felt the lack of a father’s love. There was no sense of deficiency, not even once. I’ve never felt any lack of love.” This was true for all of us sisters in the family as well.
12
The year after my father went to be with the Lord, my older brother, who was thirteen at the time, went to stay with our uncle in Jinan for several days. One day, my mother received a message from Jinan saying that my brother was looking unwell, with his face becoming deformed, and she should come quickly. When my mother arrived, she saw that his face had indeed changed, looking somewhat like a pumpkin. There was a very good doctor at Jinan’s Fourth Hospital, who was also a fellow believer, so she went to see him. After an examination, the doctor said my brother’s condition was critical, that his internal organs were all failing. My mother asked if there was any way to treat him. The doctor said there was no cure, and suggested she take some medicine for him to bring home. My mother asked if the medicine would help. The doctor replied that it wouldn’t. So, my mother decided not to take the medicine and brought my brother back home.
Once back home, my mother thought, “How should I pray? Should I desperately beg the Lord for my son’s life?” As she pondered this, she suddenly remembered the story of Abraham offering Isaac. She then prayed, “Lord, Abraham didn’t ask for that child; You were the one who gave him to him. When the child grew to the best age, You asked for him. When You asked for him, did Abraham say anything? He didn’t say a word. You gave him the child, and when You took him back, he had nothing to say. What is my situation? Perhaps You know that my child living with me on this earth will face even greater suffering, perhaps even unimaginable hardships in the future. I don’t know, but You know!” At this point, my mother continued her prayer: “Lord, if You think it’s better for this child to be with You, then take him. If not, leave him here. Everything is in Your hands. I no longer care.” My mother did not beg the Lord to take my brother, nor did she beg for his survival; she simply surrendered my brother completely into God’s hands.
My brother was the oldest son, my mother’s own flesh and blood. But my mother did not treat him any differently because he was a boy. My mother had a very great heart of love, but her love was based on truth and was never indulgent.
At that time, our family’s meals were divided into different grades. The steamed buns came in three colors: black, yellow, and the best one was the yellow one. My brother, mother, and the maid ate the lowest grade. My sisters and I, the middle children, ate the middle grade. When my father was alive, he and the youngest child ate the best grade. After my mother’s prayer of surrender, she did not prepare a separate meal for my brother. We all ate together. One time, my brother lifted the lid of the pot to look and then put it back, returning to his seat. My mother asked, “Why aren’t you eating?” My brother said there was no food for him. My mother opened the pot and saw that there was no food of the grade he usually ate. She said, “You’re silly, just take the middle-grade one, go ahead and eat that.” My mother never considered my brother as a sick patient and gave him special care. What happened? My brother lived, and he is now serving the Lord.
13
After my brother grew up, he found a partner. One year, he developed arthritis, and my mother accompanied him to the hospital. The diagnosis was pyogenic arthritis, and every day, they had to draw out pus from his knee, which was extremely painful. When the diagnosis was first made, my mother immediately said, “Thank the Lord.” My brother didn’t say anything, but he felt a little resentment in his heart: “It’s not a good thing, so why thank the Lord?” My mother said, “There must be a divine purpose in this. We don’t know, but wait and see.”
The doctor said that the cartilage in my brother’s knee was shattered and would need surgery to be removed. The best outcome would be that the leg would remain straight, meaning he wouldn’t be able to bend it. My brother felt a lot of pressure when he heard this. My mother said, “Have you forgotten? We believe in an almighty God! If He keeps your leg straight, there must be some good in that.” My brother was not happy, thinking there could be no benefit to having a straight leg—it would be very inconvenient. He stayed in the hospital for six months, and by God’s grace, his leg did not end up straight. He was discharged in good health, which was a miracle.
Why did God allow my brother to get arthritis? During the six months in the hospital, it gave him an opportunity to draw near to God. My mother didn’t give long lectures but led him to evangelize in the hospital, read the Bible, and pray together. After my brother recovered and returned to work, he was given a new job. He used to work on machines, which required standing for long periods and was exhausting. His boss said, “Your condition might not handle that level of work; it could be too tiring!” So they gave him a different job in sales. My brother’s partner lived in Taian, while he was in Xintai, so they were separated by distance. He had never thought about transferring before or had the ability to do so. But his boss said that they needed a salesman in Taian, so they transferred my brother to work there, solving the problem of their separation.
Not long after my brother recovered, my sister was diagnosed with necrotizing hepatitis and was hospitalized for six months. During that time in the hospital, my mother said to my sister, “Thank the Lord, we now have time for fellowship, time for spiritual devotion.” My sister said that during that time, because of my mother’s leadership, it was the best period of her relationship with God. Later, my sister fell into a coma due to liver failure and was beyond treatment. Yet, through God’s miraculous grace, she recovered and survived.
Throughout these experiences, my mother never complained. She never said, “Oh, I’m so unlucky! My son just got out of the hospital, and now my daughter is hospitalized!” She never said such things. My mother often said, “When people say Christians still face difficulties, I don’t understand! How can Christians have difficulties? We believe in an almighty God, who knows all these things. How could we think it’s hard? Everything has a divine purpose.”
14
I have an older sister who works at the Mining Bureau, where she is the switchboard group leader, which just involves answering and transferring calls, very easy. She spread the gospel there and led many brothers and sisters to faith, and they would gather at her house. Later, because of her faith, a party secretary asked some of the brothers and sisters to have a talk with him, and persecution began. At that time, rumors spread that none of the new houses built by the unit would be given to those who believed in Jesus, that there would be no pay raises, and that all good departments were removed, and they were forced to write repentance letters. Gossip spread, and the atmosphere became tense.
Sister’s switchboard work was considered a confidential department, and she also heard that her job wouldn’t last long. She became anxious and worried. Our mother asked her, “What are you upset about? Tell me.” Sister said, “I’m not afraid of anything, losing my job doesn’t matter, losing my salary doesn’t matter. What I fear is that these brothers and sisters won’t stand firm, suffer great losses, and face more persecution at home. They might not be able to endure it and might fall away. What if they lose faith?” Mother said, “You are not God, are we not believers in God? Just entrust it all to Him; everything is in God’s hands! God knows everyone’s situation. You cannot bear this burden, it’s not something you need to bear. Just joyfully and happily submit to this environment.” After hearing this, sister’s heart suddenly became clear, and she understood—this burden was God’s to bear, it had nothing to do with her.
Mother did not speak in grand theories, but often her words would help us understand, just like the truth in the Bible tells us. God will be responsible for His own matters, and we just need to do our duty. Many times, we are quick to look at the faults of others, worrying about them, asking God to change them quickly. In fact, their matters are between them and God, and God wants to resolve our relationship with Him. As long as our relationship with God is right, we don’t need to worry about the rest; God will take care of it.
After hearing mother’s words, sister felt the burden lift, and she became joyful, waiting for the unit to contact her. But the unit never contacted her because they couldn’t find even the slightest mistake in her work. One day, they finally decided to call her in for a talk. Before she went, mother said, “When the unit calls you for a talk, we submit to the environment. Everything is under God’s control. Whatever they ask you to do, just do it. If they ask you to dig a toilet, dig it; if they ask you to sweep the streets, sweep it. It’s for the Lord!” Sister said, “The leaders can’t find any mistakes in my work. Why did they let me be a group leader? I do my job better than anyone else.” The implication was that if they transferred her, she would need to talk to the leaders about it. Mother said, “There’s no need for that. God knows. Just do whatever they tell you, and if they stop you from working, then don’t work.” Sister understood, and her heart was free from the burden and filled with strength.
When sister went to the office, she felt someone was in the inner room. The unit first arranged for someone who was hesitant and incompetent to talk to her in the outer room, informing her of the job transfer. If sister didn’t agree, a group of people would come to talk to her in the inner room. That person told sister, “The leadership has decided that you should leave the switchboard position and transfer to the third workshop.” Sister replied, “Oh, when do I go?” The person was stunned, not expecting such a simple answer. He said, “You can go this afternoon.” Sister replied, “Is there anything else to be done? I’ve already prepared everything, here are the keys, and my things are packed. I’ll report this afternoon.” Sister turned and left. They were all very surprised, thinking it couldn’t be that simple, and they had to ask why she was being transferred.
When sister reported to the workshop, the workshop secretary called her in for a talk. He said, “Our workshop is a model workshop, there’s not a single person here who believes in Jesus. If another believer in Jesus comes here, we will have to talk to you.” Sister, already in her forties, was an experienced worker, but no one in the workshop was willing to take her on as an apprentice. Most of the workers were in their twenties, and they looked down on her, thinking she had made a big mistake and deserved punishment. Her reputation was also poor. Sister felt very depressed and miserable; but she thought, “God knows all this, so I will quietly do my work—if they ask me to clean the machine, I will clean it; if they ask me to sweep up metal shavings, I will sweep them up. Whatever they ask, I will do.”
There was a worker, Master Sun, who had joined the factory at the same time as sister, and he was an outstanding worker. He took her side and said, “Since no one else will take you as an apprentice, I will!” Sister then became Master Sun’s apprentice. Though everyone looked down on her and treated her differently, she was comforted and grateful to have someone willing to accept her. Later, sister said to Master Sun, “You’ve been so kind to me! I’ve been thinking for the past few days, no matter what, I have to repay you, and give you a gift. I thought and thought, what should I give you? In the end, I decided to give you the most precious thing—Jesus.” The workshop secretary did not allow the gospel to be spread there, but in that environment, God was with sister and inspired her to share Jesus despite the opposition.
After sister had worked in the workshop for a full year, she suddenly developed acute nephritis, without any warning signs. It seemed like misfortune after misfortune. Sister was upset and asked mother why this was happening. Mother said, “Praise the Lord, there is God’s good will in this.” Sister said, “Let’s wait and see what God’s will in this is.” Sister, along with a group of sick workers, was sent by the unit to Tai’an for recuperation. Normally, acute nephritis would turn chronic within six months, but after sister stayed there for six months, all the doctors were still puzzled because it remained acute. She ended up resting there for two full years.
During her recovery, the secretary who had caused her trouble experienced a very tragic event. The secretary’s son was a police officer at a local station. After drinking, he committed an assault on a woman, who reported him. Unable to handle the shame, he drank pesticide and committed suicide. Three days later, when his body was found, it had already begun to decompose. The secretary’s only son died, and this event severely affected him, leaving him paralyzed on one side of his body. The secretary’s wife also fell ill and was bedridden.
The secretary had to retire due to illness and was reduced to operating a gate at the factory entrance, where he would press the control lever whenever a car entered or exited. The outcome was very pitiful. The secretary had once vowed that no one who believed in Jesus would receive a house, but in a miraculous turn of events, all the brothers and sisters in Christ were assigned new houses. My brother and sister received the best house, which was the one in the center of the second floor. Therefore, everything the secretary had said was null and void. Was he in control of the situation? No, he couldn’t control it; it was entirely in God’s hands.
Sister’s illness eventually healed after two years. When she returned to work, the new leader told her, “You can no longer work in the workshop because nephritis worsens with fatigue. We’ll transfer you to another job.” What was the new job? It was to be in charge of the hot water room, where she would open and close the hot water pipe at specific times, just twice a day, very easy. This allowed her to continue meeting and fellowshipping with the brothers and sisters without interruption. Mother said, “I told you back then that being sick was a blessing, right? God allowed you to work in the workshop for a year, then gave you two years of extra rest. What happened in the end? After an examination, it was completely healed, and no longer acute. To this day, there are no aftereffects. Isn’t that all in God’s hands?”
At that time, sister and her husband were living in separate cities, and their child was about to enter middle school. Her mother-in-law worked for the railroad department and was eager to get sister transferred there. Sister didn’t want to leave the brothers and sisters, but she had to submit to the environment. Her mother-in-law said, “It costs money to arrange a transfer, and so on.” Sister replied, “I don’t have the money. If you want to spend money to arrange my transfer, if God doesn’t allow it, you can spend the money in vain, and I still won’t be able to come. If God wants me to come, I won’t need to spend a penny; I’ll just go.”
It was very difficult for sister to transfer to the railway department. Her mother-in-law’s brother-in-law worked for the railway. One day, a child from the neighbor’s house threw a ball into his yard, and when the child’s father came down to retrieve it, they
sat down and started chatting. The neighbor mentioned he was from Xintai. The brother-in-law said, “My sister-in-law is also from Xintai… My brother and sister-in-law have been living apart for more than ten years…” The neighbor happened to work in the personnel department of the railway bureau and said he could help with the transfer.
When they arrived at the unit, the neighbor pulled out sister’s file from 300 others and told his subordinate to process it. He said to the brother-in-law, “Let your brother and sister-in-law come home for the New Year.” This meant the transfer could be completed before the New Year. Sister and her husband hurried to express their thanks. The neighbor said, “Don’t thank me if it works out, and don’t resent me if it doesn’t; I just did a good deed. I won’t take a single cent, and the people I found are people who owe me a favor. You don’t need to worry about it, just come for a meal after it’s done.” Sister thought this was too good to be true, but somehow it all worked out, and the transfer was completed before the New Year.
Afterwards, mother said, “No matter what, we must fulfill our duty, and we didn’t spend any money or bribe anyone. The way others did this was God’s will. But we must still show our gratitude.” So, sister bought a digital piano for the neighbor’s child, worth two or three hundred yuan, and gave it to them. The neighbor said, “Ah, I told you, buying this piano was extra spending. What does my family lack? Look, we have everything. No, take it back!” They insisted on taking it back. This is how sister’s transfer was completed without spending any money, and this was God’s grace.
15
Many times, when we encounter difficulties in the world, we pray, we ask, yet it seems God hasn’t answered. But mother, because of her trust in God, never felt that God had let her down. She believed that everything God gave her was the best, and that everything that happened to her was grace. Mother often said, “Do you think God doesn’t know what you need? Do you think God doesn’t know what you lack, that you still need to ask? When the time comes, God will give you what you need, and you won’t be able to refuse.” Mother’s faith in God was so real and so simple, with no mixture at all. No matter what happened, no matter the outcome, she said that God had not missed anything and that there was nothing in her life that she could not be thankful for.
Once, something happened at our home on the first night of the New Year—it was robbed. That night, mother slept in one room; my niece-in-law stayed in another room with her three- or four-month-old child; and my brothers and I, since we had a meeting at home on the second day of the New Year, arrived early to stay at mother’s place, in another room. The next morning, we discovered that all the family’s clothes had been thrown on the living room sofa, and we realized that a thief had come in during the night.
Mother was generally quite alert when sleeping, but that night she didn’t hear a sound. My niece-in-law had left a small lamp on in her room, dimmed so that she could change the baby’s diaper during the night. When she got up in the morning, she found the lamp had been unplugged. She said that in the middle of the night, she felt someone by her bed but thought it was a family member, so she didn’t open her eyes. My first reaction was to quickly see what had been stolen. But mother’s first reaction was, “Thank the Lord! A thief came into our house on New Year’s Eve, but we all slept peacefully through the night without anyone being frightened. Isn’t this grace?” After looking around, we found that only a pair of leather shoes belonging to my brother and a mobile phone battery were missing—just these two things.
On the second morning, which was a Sunday, brothers and sisters came to our home for a meeting. Some said it was unlucky to have been robbed during the New Year. Mother gave a testimony, saying, “Brothers and sisters, the God we believe in is real and alive! Thank the Lord, I have experienced many things in my life, but I’ve never experienced being robbed. Today God let me experience it. The thief came to our house, and we all still slept soundly through the night. This shows that God is real! If there had been even the slightest sound, if one person had woken up, the peace would have been gone, and we wouldn’t know what was happening! What if the thief had taken the child? That would have been dangerous, right? But nothing happens without God’s permission. The most thankful thing is that in the midst of such danger, we all slept peacefully through the night, without a single shock. Losing things is a small matter. Even if the whole house was robbed, the peace we had is something no one can take away. That’s what I’m most thankful for!”
Mother’s thankfulness was always able to find a point to be thankful for. Living in gratitude every day, she was filled with joy. Once, a brother’s wife was hospitalized, and he took some time to visit mother. When leaving, mother wanted to find some instant noodles and milk powder to give him. Afraid he wouldn’t accept them and that he might hurry off, she quickly went to the balcony, but accidentally tripped over a shoe rack, spraining her ankle, and an eighty-year-old person fell to the ground. The brother was scared and hurried back to help her up, but didn’t dare to refuse the gift. Mother said, “You should go quickly, there’s still a patient waiting for you.” She insisted that he leave. After she got into bed, her foot started swelling. When we heard that mother had sprained her ankle, we came over. As soon as we entered, mother said, “Look, thank the Lord!” We asked how, and mother said, “I sprained my ankle, but if I had broken a bone, at my age, it would have been hard to recover. But look, my bone is not broken. Isn’t that grace?”
When I was young, my parents were persecuted by the authorities. They sent my father to a very distant commune hospital, and mother had to live in a separate hospital. They even forced us to move to a new place, and we had to move that very day. It was raining lightly, and no one was willing to help us. Who would dare to help our family? They said we had to move, so mother led us children—older ones moved big items, and younger ones moved small ones—and we all moved in a line. There wasn’t much to move, and we finished the move that same day. We were all drenched, jumping around inside the house and shaking off the water. Mother said, “Look, how fun this is! Come take a look in the mirror; you all look so pretty, like little drowned chickens!” In that situation, with all the persecution, mother never had the slightest bit of resentment—only joy.
As we grew up, we were influenced by mother. When things that seemed unfair happened, we didn’t feel they were unfair, but rather just normal. We felt that we deserved the treatment we were getting, and that it was completely reasonable. We also knew that everything comes from the Lord; nothing happens to us without His permission.
Mother used to work at a commune hospital. She treated all kinds of diseases, from internal medicine to surgery, even performing operations, and worked very hard. In the end, she retired from the obstetrics and gynecology department. Obstetrics and gynecology was exhausting, working non-stop day and night, rushing to attend to a pregnant woman in the middle of the night, which eventually caused her to develop heart disease. When mother was younger, she attended a women’s obstetrics college, where she received a vocational diploma. But she gave up her studies and went out to preach the gospel with Grandpa Zhao, so she never got her diploma. When she was about to retire in 1975, people advised her to try to get her diploma, as it would affect her retirement benefits. Mother didn’t want to bother, saying, “I don’t need that, I can’t eat or drink properly, thank the Lord, I won’t look for it.” So, she retired with just a few dozen yuan in pension.
Many retirees from the commune hospital received their pension, but mother’s pension was transferred to the civil affairs bureau, and her salary was significantly reduced. Many people were upset and told mother this was unreasonable. Mother said, “Why am I the only one being transferred? I will be better than them all. Thank the Lord!” When others continued advising mother to inquire about it, she said, “It’s too much trouble. Why ask? God knows, just leave it to Him.” In the end, the commune hospital failed, and they couldn’t even pay salaries once every two months. But the civil affairs bureau paid pensions on time every month. At that point, others began saying that mother had foresight and wisdom. Mother replied, “It’s not me who has foresight, it’s my God who has foresight.” This was truly the case—when anything happened to mother, she was always thankful, accepting, and obedient. And in the end, everything turned out to be God’s grace.
16
Mother received grace through the “Jesus Family.” To talk about the origins of the “Jesus Family,” we must mention an old man named Jing Dianying. After he believed in Jesus, he spread the gospel to his nephew, who in turn spread it to several people, and so five or six people gathered at Jing Dianying’s house to read the Bible and pray. After Jing Dianying believed in Jesus, he experienced the great love of the cross. One day, while praying before God, he was filled with the Holy Spirit and drenched in God’s love. The feeling of nourishment and sweetness was indescribable. He said, “Lord, You love me so much, I’m not worthy! Lord, not only do You love me, but so many people love me. Not only do they love me, but the whole world loves me.” Just as he prayed this, a voice suddenly asked, “Does your wife love you?” He immediately lost his sense of spiritual ecstasy. Why? Because he had divorced his wife. He suspected she was unchaste and feared she would ruin his reputation, so he sent her back to her parents’ home. He replied, “Lord, let’s not pray about this,” and continued praying other things. Then he was filled with the Holy Spirit again, full of joy. He said, “Lord, I love You! You paid such a great price for me, I can’t help but love You. Not only do I love You, but I love all people, I love the whole world.” When he prayed this, a voice asked again, “Do you love your wife?” He didn’t want to pray about that, so he tried praying other things, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, he said to the Lord, “Lord, I understand now. There’s one thing I can’t get past, and I cannot enjoy Your presence. I confess, no matter what, I will go and bring her back. Whether she beats me or curses me, I’m going to get her back.”
Thinking back to when he divorced her, it seemed very glorious, but now going to bring her back felt like slapping his own face. When he reached the place, he confessed his wrongs to his wife. She came back with him. His wife had bound feet, so she couldn’t walk and had to be carried back when they were still six miles from home. What should he do? He carried her on his back. When his nephew saw his aunt returning, he was surprised and thought, “This is impossible!” Then he thought, “If it weren’t for Jesus’ love, this family could never have been restored.” So, his nephew carved four words on a brick above their door: “Jesus Family.” This is how the “Jesus Family” came about. This family was built by Jesus, and it was established because of the love in Jesus.
From this story, we can see how important love is. Only the love of Jesus can conquer people. Therefore, the brothers and sisters in our church have one goal: to love one another, to deny ourselves for the Lord, to give up our own will, and to walk the road of the cross.
17
When mother was young, she had a bad temper. Even after she believed in the Lord, her temper didn’t change. When she was in school, every Saturday she would return home. Her mother-in-law both eagerly awaited her return and feared it at the same time. This was because, after mother came home, if her mother-in-law said something inappropriate, it would easily provoke her, and she would explode in anger. Mother prayed for three years about her temper, asking God to change her. She said, “Lord, if my temper doesn’t change even for a day, Your name will be dishonored for that day. For the sake of Your name, I ask You to change me.” Mother cried because of this, and she said that if she gathered all the tears she had shed, it would fill a teacup.
Mother had a best friend, and the two of them were so close that they shared a wallet. Every time mother went to a meeting, she would invite her friend to come along. The friend was afraid of mother’s temper and didn’t dare to refuse. When they arrived, and the call for confession was made during the meeting, mother also urged her friend to confess. The friend replied, “I don’t have any sin.” After the meeting, mother asked why she didn’t go to confess, and her friend again said she had no sin. Mother, in a fit of anger, threw the wallet far away, saying, “Go, go! From now on, I won’t give you any more money! You’re not holy; you’re going to hell!” Mother had such a fierce temper. As a result, her friend never wanted to believe in Jesus, thinking that mother’s Jesus was too harsh.
Mother had believed for three years, but her temper didn’t change. Then, one day during a meeting, mother was filled with the Holy Spirit and completely taken over by God. She confessed and repented to God. After that, when she returned home, she had completely changed. When mother came home, her mother-in-law said something that, under normal circumstances, would have made mother furious. But that day, mother smiled at her mother-in-law and said nothing. When her mother-in-law saw this change, she couldn’t help but cry, saying, “Oh, this really warms my heart.” From then on, mother truly changed.
That same friend later started working. One day, she had a day off and came from far away to visit mother. Mother was teaching at school, and when she heard her friend had arrived, she rushed home. When she opened the door, she saw her friend and her mother-in-law lying on the bed, wiping their tears. It turned out that her mother-in-law had told her friend that mother’s heart had warmed. When the friend heard this, she was frightened, thinking, “When mother’s heart warms, she will think I’m not holy.” She had come a long way, fearing they wouldn’t be able to meet, so she had cried.
When mother entered, she sat down next to the bed and asked, “When did you arrive?” The friend suddenly got up and said, “Let me tell you, I’m not going to interfere with your work this time. You can go to your meetings or to school. Just drop me off wherever there’s a meeting.” Mother asked, “Have you believed in Jesus?” The friend said, “Yes.” Mother asked, “When did you believe?” The friend replied, “I just believed.” And that was it—her friend simply believed in Jesus. When mother softly asked, “When did you arrive?” she realized that mother was truly different now. The influence of her life had changed her. This was truly love—the power of love was so great. Mother once said, “How can we witness for God? It doesn’t matter how great your gifts are. When you are willing to bring glory to God, He gives you strength, and you don’t even need to say much.”
18
Mother once shared a testimony about Grandpa Zhao Dianchen, saying that he wasn’t good at preaching, but he was excellent at living out the Word. The brothers and sisters often said that whatever the preacher taught, Grandpa Zhao lived it out.
There was a robber who committed a major crime by stealing from a bank and then fled. While traveling by train, carrying his accomplice, he suddenly heard a voice say, “From Beijing to Nanjing, stop at Wenkou Mazhuang!” This voice kept repeating, though he couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Eventually, the train stopped, and he asked a passenger where Wenkou Mazhuang was. The passenger pointed out that this was Wenkou Station, so the robber got off. After getting off, he found the “Jesus Family” in Mazhuang. At that time, the “Jesus Family” had just started, and their motto was: “Welcome all who come, and let those who leave go.” Seeing that the door was wide open, the robber went inside.
The people in the “Jesus Family” arranged for him to stay in a small shed on the roof of a building. The robber didn’t understand why the voice had led him here, so he just spent his days lying on the roof observing the lifestyle of the people. The family members would gather for morning prayer meetings, then go to work, return to eat simple porridge, and gather again in the evening. They would sing, cry, pray, work in the fields, and eat their simple meal. For a whole week, the robber watched them do the same things—nothing seemed interesting. He felt bored and decided to leave.
One morning, as he was coming down from the roof, he met Grandpa Zhao, who was returning from the field with a hoe over his shoulder. The robber told him, “I’m leaving.” Grandpa Zhao didn’t say anything else but simply grabbed his arm and said, “Brother, brother, don’t go!” Just that one sentence caused the robber to repent. During the large meeting, he ran up to the front, crying bitterly, confessing his sins and giving his testimony, saying that he was a bank robber who had escaped from the law. He said, “What force kept me here and changed me, showing me that Jesus is real? It was the love of this old man and that one sentence: ‘Brother, brother, don’t go!’”
19
When mother was young, she traveled to Shanxi with Grandpa Zhao to spread the gospel, and she was greatly influenced by him. While in Shanxi, they went to a place where they established a “Jesus Family” and evangelized. A woman who had syphilis heard the gospel and believed in Jesus. Her hands and feet were rotting, her ears were infected, and half her nose was gone. She spoke in a mumbling voice, and her hands and body were covered with sores and pus. She would grab bundles of wheat from others’ fields during harvest, and when they chased her away, she would lie down and pretend to be dead. Because of her appearance and behavior, no one in the village wanted to associate with her.
One wealthy family in the area, after hearing the gospel, also believed in Jesus. They allowed the woman with syphilis to live in a small house in their courtyard.
Once, mother went to that place again to spread the gospel. The daughter of the wealthy family, who loved mother very much, invited her to stay after the meeting. While they were talking, the woman with syphilis came by, mumbling to herself, and the wealthy daughter told her to leave. When mother asked what she said, the daughter explained, “She wants you to eat at her house, but it’s just ridiculous!” Mother didn’t say anything. She thought to herself, “We’re all Christians, brothers and sisters. Why can I eat here but not at her house? Maybe she’s dirty, maybe she doesn’t have much to offer, but she’s offering me love. I can accept the love of others—can I not accept hers?” So, while the wealthy daughter was out, mother went to her house.
The small room in the courtyard had a small kang (a traditional Chinese heated platform) near the door, with a stove burning beside it. A small table was placed on the kang. When the woman with syphilis saw mother enter, she was so excited that she didn’t know what to do. What was prepared for the meal? It was steamed cornbread made from a mixture of yellow cornmeal and white flour. The cornbread was sticky, and the woman’s hands were sticky too. People would have said that this meal was impossible to eat. The woman, overjoyed, placed the cornbread on a plate and put it on the small table, and they both sat down.
Mother didn’t think twice and said, “Let’s pray.” As soon as they knelt down, she was filled with the Holy Spirit, and her heart was filled with joy and sweetness. She ate the meal with the woman. Mother later said that the best and most delicious meal she had ever eaten in her life was that one. Her heart was free of any thoughts. She didn’t care about how the woman’s hands looked, or how her nose was, or whether the food was clean or contagious. She didn’t care about anything. She ate the meal for the woman’s sake, and God made the meal so sweet and delightful.
At that moment, the wealthy daughter came back and saw the scene. She was so angry she stomped her feet outside. Mother said, “Go back quickly; I’ll leave after I finish eating.” She continued eating. God truly sees the hearts of people! God’s love is the same for everyone. No matter how poor or dirty someone may be, as long as they have the Lord, they are family, and we must love one another.
20
Mother had always struggled with heart disease, but she never saw herself as a patient. She wasn’t concerned about it. When her heart condition flared up, she would simply lie in bed for a couple of days, and then she would feel better. However, when any of the brothers or sisters fell ill, Mother would immediately help in any way she could, whether it was with money or other support. She would give her all to help others.
One night, Mother woke up feeling discomfort in her heart. She checked her pulse and found it to be 170 beats per minute, which was very dangerous. Since she was sleeping with my sister, she thought that if she mentioned her discomfort, it might wake the children up and disturb the whole household. Mother always thought of others’ well-being and didn’t want to cause any trouble for them. She endured the pain quietly. My sister woke up and saw how distressed Mother was, and became so anxious that she ran into the bathroom and stayed there for a long time. Mother, worried that my sister might have high blood pressure, endured her discomfort and went to check on her. By the time morning came, they finally called us, and we all went to the hospital.
At the hospital, they connected Mother to an IV drip and monitoring equipment. The doctor diagnosed her with heart rhythm disorder, saying it was a difficult condition to treat and that she needed a pacemaker, costing around 40,000 yuan. However, Mother insisted on leaving the hospital. The doctor tried to convince her, saying, “This condition is very dangerous; you could die in your sleep. You need the pacemaker, there’s no other way.” The doctor assumed that she was worried about the cost. But Mother replied, “Thank you, doctor. I understand clearly. All of my body’s parts are original; why would I replace them with artificial ones? Everything God gave me is good and real. If Jesus wants to take me, I will go. I won’t argue with Him.” She signed a waiver to leave the hospital against medical advice. She stayed for one more day and then left. After returning home, despite needing rest, she got up as soon as she felt a little better and resumed her normal life, as if nothing had happened.
21
Two years before Mother went to be with the Lord, on October 1st, during our large gathering, she suddenly fell ill, and my sister took care of her. We were at the meeting for five days, and during that time, Mother’s condition worsened, with persistent fever and needing an IV drip. Even in such a state, Mother still worried about the preacher, asking if food and supplies had been prepared for their journey. Throughout her life, she loved and cared for preachers. Whenever a preacher visited, she would make sure they were well taken care of. Each of our homes had a set of new bedding prepared exclusively for the preacher; no one else was allowed to use it, not even the most distinguished guests. The best food would be set aside for them as well.
At this time, Mother was severely ill, constantly running a fever, unable to pass stool, and her abdomen was severely swollen. We asked if she was in pain, but Mother said she wasn’t, and her face showed no signs of suffering. Seeing us all gathered around her, she told us to go to sleep, not wanting us to be burdened or to suffer because of her condition. As her illness progressed, she became increasingly delirious and began speaking incoherently, repeating phrases like: “Bring the children before the Lord,” and “Let us be of one mind.” The brothers and sisters, upon hearing this, were moved to tears, thinking this was her final will and began recording it.
During the most painful period of her illness, while in a delirious state, Mother was covered by God’s grace. We didn’t want to see her suffer, but we also had no way to help. We prayed, saying, “Lord, if this suffering is to continue, please take her.” Then, we stopped the IV and waited.
After more than twenty days of illness, one of my brothers-in-law suggested that we take her to the hospital for a thorough examination. When they did, the doctors found heart disease, enlarged spleen, fluid in the lungs, and fluid in the chest cavity—seven organs were in critical condition, with no healthy areas left. The doctors met to discuss her case, but there was nothing more they could do, except for one option: spleen removal. But Mother was 88 years old, and no one dared to perform the surgery. The doctor called me into his office and said, “This patient will not survive. There’s no chance left; she is waiting to die.” At that moment, God gave me a word: “Life is not in your hands!” My heart found peace. We only asked the doctors to address the issue of Mother’s abdominal swelling and constipation. A digestive specialist suggested trying olive oil. Praise the Lord, as soon as she drank it, her bowels moved, and she became alert.
Afterward, Mother asked the Lord why she was experiencing this illness. Suddenly, a scripture came to her mind: “For we have become a spectacle to the world, both to angels and to men.” (1 Corinthians 4:9). She realized that God was using her illness as a performance for the world to witness, to show that God is real. Mother prayed, saying, “Lord, perhaps the worst of my suffering is yet to come, but I have only one request: no matter how much pain my body endures, please let my face remain presentable. Don’t let others see a disgraceful face that would bring shame to Your name.”
Even in her illness, Mother’s focus was on the Lord, and her desire was that His name and glory would be honored above all else. Despite her abdominal issues, she maintained her daily routine of washing her face and combing her hair every morning, making sure she looked neat and proper, never once allowing herself to appear disheveled so that others wouldn’t see and shame the Lord’s name. Although she was suffering physically, her face remained calm and peaceful, and even the doctors and nurses who saw her commented that she didn’t look like an 88-year-old woman at all.
Mother remained in the hospital for a full week, but her condition deteriorated further—her hands, legs, and arms swelled up, and they could no longer administer any more injections. There were two options: transfer to another hospital or return home. Mother said, “Being here is like being in prison, waiting for the next injection. Let’s not transfer; let’s go home.” She signed the discharge papers, and we took her home. Upon arrival, Mother told us, “You’ve all been working hard. Go rest; if anything is needed, we’ll call you.” At the hospital, she could only lie on her back, but at home, she was able to lie on her side and sleep for two hours. When she woke up, miraculously, the swelling in her limbs had disappeared.
However, she still struggled with constipation. She had tried drinking olive oil, but it didn’t work; she tried a traditional Chinese medicine called “Simo Decoction,” but that didn’t help either. My sister and I discussed getting an enema, but when Mother heard, she said, “There’s no need for that. God will make it happen when it’s His time. If He says I will go, I will go, and if not, I will not.” The next morning, she was able to use the restroom naturally, and from that point on, her bowels became regular again. Her health improved daily, and she quickly made a full recovery. At 88, even someone in their prime would not have recovered so quickly from such a severe illness, which was truly miraculous.
Some of the brothers and sisters urged Mother to go back to the hospital to check if her organs had healed. But Mother said, “It doesn’t matter whether they’re healed or not. If God wants me to live, I will live, even if all seven organs are failing. It’s nothing. The important thing is whether God wants me to live.” When sharing her testimony with the brothers and sisters, she said, “Brothers and sisters, whether we live or die is a small thing. Today, I stand before you, and God wants you to know that resurrection is real!”
During her illness, I once asked Mother if she had received any word from the Lord about whether she would see Him or not. She replied, “No, there’s been no word. If He calls me, I will go, and if not, I will wait. That is God’s decision.” Whenever she heard of other brothers and sisters meeting the Lord, she would cry, saying, “It’s not sadness, but tears of longing. Another child of God is worthy to meet the Lord, but I am not yet worthy.”
22
Mother’s lifestyle has always been very disciplined. She never wore very short pants to bed at night, instead opting for knee-length artificial cotton pants, even in the summer. Before praying and going to bed at night, she always washed her hair and face and cleaned the room. She said, “I don’t know when the Lord will come. If I don’t prepare properly and the room is messy, I won’t be able to meet the Lord.” Every day, Mother lived as if it were her last day on earth, always preparing for the Lord’s return and to meet the Lord.
When Mother stayed at my house, no matter how early it was in the morning, when you opened her door, you would see her sitting there reading the Bible. It was like this at four in the morning, five in the morning, and six in the morning, which left a deep impression on us. Sometimes, when the children in the house would come and chat, seeing everyone laughing and chatting, she would return to her room to read the Bible. Mother would say, “I have to read the Bible well. I really regret it; I’m old and can’t remember, so it takes me several days to memorize a verse.” She had made a plan to read the Bible three times a year. When Mother was taken by the Lord, it was in November, and she had just finished her third reading of the Bible for that year, specifically the book of Jeremiah. During the time she stayed at my house, my family deeply experienced and witnessed the reverence in her life.
Mother never scolded people or used harsh words to teach others, nor did she impose extra high standards or require anyone to do this or that. But all the children in our family were always well-behaved in front of her. Whenever someone entered her home, no matter if they were believers or not, when she asked everyone to stand for prayer before meals, no one ever failed to stand; they all obediently stood up. The reason for this was that Mother always led by example and set an example for us.
I have an older brother-in-law who is the secretary of a mine, loves to drink, does not believe in Jesus, and resists the gospel, but he always respected Mother greatly. One time, he visited Mother. My younger brother, understanding his weakness, wanted to pour him a small bowl of wine. My brother-in-law said, “No, the smell would upset Mama (Mother).” In fact, Mother never asked them not to drink or anything like that. Later, this brother-in-law, who did not believe in Jesus, suffered a stroke. After being resuscitated, as soon as he regained consciousness, he cried out, “Mama, Mama.” At that time, Mother was 87. She rushed to the hospital, looked at him lying there, and tears streamed down her face. She said, “Xiangyun, believe in Jesus.” Her brother-in-law nodded and believed. Mother led him in prayer, and from that moment on, he repented of his sins. After being discharged from the hospital, he had some partial paralysis, but he could still walk, and my sister often took him to attend church. This brother-in-law was the last person in our family to believe in the Lord.
23
In the past, Mother worked very hard, going out early and coming home late, raising a large number of children, over ten people. Every evening, we children would wait in the room for Mother to come home from work. When Mother entered the door, we all jumped for joy. Mother would laugh and say, “Oh no, I came through the wrong door, it’s like entering a little ghost temple!” That was because we children had no one to take care of us during the day, and our faces were dirty, and we looked all sorts of ways. At that time, we were very poor, and our clothes could only be swapped among us. Little children wore the clothes that the older ones had worn, shoes were falling apart, we had no socks, and in winter, our hands and feet were frozen, so much so that teachers thought Mother was a stepmother.
Every time we hear these past stories, we all laugh, knowing that Mother always loved us. But she never talked about how difficult it was to raise us, nor did she ever ask for our repayment. But after we grew up, each of us was very respectful of her, all because she loved the Lord. As Mother often said, “Loving the Lord never goes to waste,” this is God’s grace.
Mother never had her own house in her whole life, she always lived in her children’s homes. When she was first in the hospital, the room was only eight square meters; later, she lived with my sister, brother, and me, and the living conditions kept improving. Mother was very grateful for this. In 2005, my parents’ workplace had one last opportunity to distribute housing and bought us a 120-square-meter house. My mother-in-law said it was prepared for my mother, as she also regarded my mother as her spiritual mother.
Later, Mother moved into the new house with us. Mother said, “I’m old now, and my in-laws even bought a house for me to enjoy. Thank the Lord, I’m so unworthy of this great grace! So many people love me, how can I deserve it? I don’t deserve such great love.”
Mother had never prayed asking the Lord to take her, but after living in the new house for a while, she prayed, “Lord, if possible, take me. My in-laws are also old, and after I go, this place will be available to bring them here so that the children can also take care of them.”
Mother always thought of others first. For the benefit of others, in the final days of her life, she made such a prayer. When the time came, the Lord took her, and she was 90 when she left.
24
The day after Mother’s memorial service, at around 4 AM, I heard crying. I looked and saw my brother kneeling on the floor, crying, and I started crying too. He comforted me, saying, “Don’t be upset. I’m not crying because I miss Mother, I’m crying because I hate myself. I lived with her for such a long time, and every day I saw her devout life. I hate myself for not rising up to love the Lord properly.”
He had been a person who loved the world and loved work. He would rather take leave from church meetings than from his job, and I was upset about that. Later, God guided me to understand that it was a matter between him and the Lord, so I stopped insisting on him. That day, he cried and said, “Lord, I am willing to repent, I want to resolve to live a life of devotion like Mother did, and from now on, I will live a godly life.”
Less than twenty days after Mother was taken by the Lord, a sister from a fellowship in the northeast called me to say that her father had suddenly passed away. The whole family was saved and served in the church. Her father loved the Lord very much, and after he retired, he went to be with the Lord. Everyone in the church could not understand why this family, who loved the Lord and served so zealously, would experience such a loss. For a time, they became weak. When I heard this, I knew they needed comfort, so I decided to go visit them. My brother wanted to come with me. I was surprised and asked, “Your work is so important, is it okay?” He said he would take leave from his job, and I was very thankful. When we got there, we didn’t speak much, just met and fellowshipped with the brothers and sisters. They were greatly comforted. After we returned, the sister called to say that after our visit, they were revived. Especially when they saw us both coming together, they were filled with gratitude and realized they couldn’t afford not to love the Lord. The sister’s conversation with me was also heard by my brother.
One night, my brother said to me, “Since returning from the northeast, when I knelt down to pray, the only thing on my mind was ‘dedication.’” He didn’t want to pray about that, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t pray for anything else. After a long struggle, the feeling became stronger and stronger—‘dedication.’ He said to the Lord, “I can’t do this or that, I can’t do anything. What do I dedicate? I have nothing to offer.” He struggled, and finally realized that even if he couldn’t do much, he could at least set up chairs in the church, and at that moment, he submitted and found peace in his heart.
My brother had a great job working as a financial officer in a large company with good salary and benefits, and his leaders valued him greatly. At that time, the company was about to partner with the U.S. My brother was someone who took his work very seriously, and it wasn’t easy for him to let go. I said to him, “If this is God’s prompting, no one can object. Go home and talk to your parents first. If there’s no obstacle, we will thank the Lord; if there’s any obstacle, we will wait.”
After he spoke to his parents, my mother-in-law said, “If this is from the Holy Spirit, we cannot object. We agree. But you must know that the way of the cross is not easy, and there is no turning back.” My father-in-law said, “Not just you, even if it’s your grandson who wants to dedicate himself, I would fully support it!” We were truly thankful to the Lord.
Later, he went to talk with his leaders and gave each of them a gift: a book of “The Lament of the Wandering Son,” an evangelistic DVD, and a Bible. Then he told them he was resigning, but the leaders didn’t understand why. He explained that the company was too far from home, and his parents were getting older and needed care. The big boss of the company, being very wise, said, “Actually, faith is a personal matter. If one day you want to come back to the company, we will still welcome you.” The factory manager said, “Where can we find someone like you to do this job?” The deputy manager said, “Can you wait for two more months to resign? We are about to partner with the U.S., and your 2,000 yuan stock investment could turn into 20,000 or even 200,000—who knows how many times it could multiply!” My brother firmly stated that he wasn’t doing it for those reasons, and he resigned.
Later, the company entered into the joint venture. I asked my brother if he felt disappointed, and he said, “What is there to be disappointed about in losing something from the world? Now, I am willing to serve the Lord with all my heart. The church is so busy, I can’t keep up with everything; I don’t think about anything else.” It was because of Mother’s genuine faith that it had such a profound impact on him, and he was willing to offer himself and dedicate his life to the Lord.
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The influence of a Christian is so important. Just like Mother, just like those spiritual predecessors, when many people hear and see, they say: “This is a true believer in Jesus!” They lived their lives as a beautiful testimony for the Lord. These testimonies are left behind so that the world may know that the Jesus we believe in is real.
The most important and fundamental testimony of Mother’s life was her simple faith toward God, which made her free from all worries before God, and she didn’t even know what worry was. I hope that we too will simply believe in God, look up to God, and truly rely on Him. Then, we will live every day as if we were in heaven—joyful and content, without anything to worry about. Because He is in control of everything, and He is responsible for all.
As children of God, what kind of influence and testimony should we have on earth? We need to let our family, friends, neighbors, peers, and the next generation truly see from us: “This is a true believer in Jesus!” Let the world see, through our testimony, that the God we believe in is a true and living God!
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(The text was organized and edited based on the oral recordings of the daughter of Elder Jiang Chuanzi, with the title added afterward.)
Jiang
Published on 2024-11-21, Updated on 2024-11-24